


can't see the pine forest for the trees

by tragicallynerdy



Category: UnDeadwood (Web Series)
Genre: Ace/Aro Arabella, F/F, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, Kissing, M/M, Multi, Pining, Shenanigans, this is a wee bit cracky, tomfoolery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:02:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25767145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tragicallynerdy/pseuds/tragicallynerdy
Summary: “I've got a plan” Aly said with a grin. “One to get Clayton and Matthew together.”Miriam sighed, slumping back in her chair. “It ain’t gonna work Aly, they're doomed to pine forever.”“Or,” Aly said, “or, I could kiss them.”--Aka, the one where everyone pines, Aly has a plan, and Arabella watches on the sidelines with popcorn.
Relationships: Aloysius Fogg/Matthew Mason/Clayton Sharpe, Miriam Landisman/Joanie Stubbs
Comments: 8
Kudos: 33





	can't see the pine forest for the trees

“Why won’t they just kiss already?” Miriam moaned, putting her head in her hands and slumping against the counter. “They’re so _obvious_ about it!”

Aly sighed and took another shot. He peered out of the kitchen to Matthew and Clayton sitting beside each other in her sitting room. He shook his head and ducked back out of sight, thinking of the longing glances, the _almost_ but not quite way their shoulders touched, the way they were so _pretty_ together. “Idiots, the lot of them.”

“I’d try and force them together, but if locking them in a closet together didn’t work, then what will??” Miriam took another shot, and Aly re-filled her glass.

“God only knows,” he said, patting her arm.

* * *

Two days later Aly was watching Clayton pine after Matthew when he got the most brilliant plan. He thought about it for a day, then made for Miriam’s house, looking for co-conspirators.

“I have an idea!” he said, bursting into Miriam’s kitchen. Miriam looked at him and raised an eyebrow. Arabella waved from the kitchen table. “Oh, hi Bella.”

“Hello Aloysius, nice to see you too,” Miriam said drily. She waved him over. “Come sit.”

“What’s your idea?” Arabella asked. “Is it for the job? Could’ve waited until we meet about it in the morning.”

“Oh no,” Aly said with a grin. “No, this is more im _portant._ This is to get Clayton and Matthew together.”

Miriam sighed, slumping back in her chair. “It ain’t gonna work Aly, they’re doomed to pine forever.”

“Or,” Aly said, “or, I could kiss them.”

Miriam sat up and stared at him as Arabella burst into laughter. “I’m sorry, sugar, I thought you said you’d _kiss_ them.”

Aly grinned. “That’s right. I’ll kiss Clay, where Matty can see it happen, make him nice and jealous. And then I’ll kiss Matty, and make _Clay_ jealous. And then they’ll finally get their shit together and make out.”

Miriam stared some more. “Oh honey, no, that –“

Arabella cut her off, voice serious and approving. “It’s a _fine_ idea Aloysius. I’m sure it’ll work like a charm.”

“Damn right it will,” Aly said. He stood and picked up the bottle of whiskey on the table, taking a shot straight from the bottle. “It’s gonna work so damn well, they won’t even know what hit ‘em.”

He left, Arabella calling “good luck!” behind him.

* * *

He kissed Clayton first. It was almost too easy to pull him aside one evening while they were all drinking at the Bella Union, when Clayton was laughing and loose. He’d had just enough whiskey to make him smile more, to make him shove his hat back far enough so that they could see his handsome face in all it’s glory. _This ain’t gonna be a hardship,_ Aly thought to himself. He looked at Arabella and winked. She winked back, and the plan was a go.

“Hey,” he said, touching Clayton’s wrist. “Can I have a word?”

Clayton nodded and shot the rest of his whiskey, then stood and followed him outside. Aly saw Matthew watch them leave, and hoped that Arabella would manage to time things perfectly.

Clayton was quiet as they stepped out of the saloon, raising an eyebrow expectantly at Aly. Aly smiled softly, shaking his head.

“Nothing too serious. Just wanted to say thanks for savin’ my ass yesterday.”

Clayton huffed. “Don’t have to thank me for that Aly, you’d have done the same.”

“Still.” Aly stepped closer. He reached up and cupped Clayton’s cheek with his hand, tilting his face to the perfect angle. Clayton’s eyes grew wide, lips parting in surprise. “Thank you.”

Aly leaned in and kissed him, a soft brush of lips together. Clayton responded immediately, lips parting and hand coming up to wrap around the back of Aly’s neck. Aly crowded closer, pressing Clayton back against the hitching post. Clayton moaned, Aly groaned, and the door to the Bella Union flew open.

“Clay, Arabella was hoping – oh.”

Clayton broke the kiss, tearing his mouth away from Aly’s and staring back at Matthew, who was stock still and staring at them. When both Aly and Clayton’s eyes fell on him he flushed bright red.

“Oh my, I’m sorry – I’ll just –“ he turned around and walked back into the saloon, and Aly tried not to cheer.

He let go of Clayton and stepped back. Clayton whipped around to stare at him. “I’m sorry Clay, I shouldn’t have done that.”

“No, it was fine, it was –“ Clayton looked behind him again, looking troubled at Matthew’s departure. “But Matty… fuck.” He sighed, then ran a hand through his hair. “I should go see what ‘Bella wants.”

Aly crooked a grin. “Good plan.”

Clayton nodded slowly, glancing at his eyes, then his mouth. Then he left, tossing a muttered “sorry” behind him.

Aly gave himself a minute to feel the flush of joy that a good kiss brought, then followed after, tossing a wink at Arabella on his way in.

_Phase one has been a success_

* * *

He planned to wait three days to kiss Matthew. “That should be enough time for them to stew and get jealous, right?” he asked Arabella. Miriam had disappeared lately, spending more and more time at the Bella Union, and looking increasingly frustrated whenever he discussed Operation Clayson. Arabella, on the other hand, gleefully listened to his plans, offering helpful advice.

“Oh sure,” she said, accepting the cup of tea he held out. “All the romance novels my sister made me read would say that’s enough.”

Aly smiled in satisfaction. If a dime romance novel said it was enough time, then it must be true. He looked at Arabella, cocking his head in question. “You ever been jealous, ‘Bells?”

She snorted. “I don’t even understand how y’all fall in love, Aloysius, do you think I’ve been jealous in the romantic sense?” She smiled at his chagrined look and patted his hand, looking very sincere. “But I’m pretty sure both Matty and Clay are the romance and fallin’ in love sort, so I’m sure it’ll work on them.” She raised an eyebrow. “What about you, Mister Fogg? You ever been jealous?”

“Oh, sure, once or twice.” He pointedly did not think of Matthew and Clayton’s longing glances, or the recent kiss, and how it kept playing over in his mind. “No one important, though.”

* * *

He cornered Matthew in the church. It was the perfect place; peaceful, empty, with beautiful patterns of coloured light streaming in through the newly installed stained-glass windows. A wonderful setting for a soft, sweet, perfect kiss. He only had to time things right, and then Clayton would see them kissing, and get jealous, and everything would be dandy.

They were having dinner together at Miriam’s at 6:00 sharp, just a few minutes walk from the church. Miriam had reluctantly agreed to ask Clayton to come and get Matthew for dinner, and Aly hoped she’d remembered. He stepped into the church at 5:50 sharp, knowing Clayton would be there in approximately five minutes, like he always was when it was his task to pull Matthew from his work.

Matthew was hammering a new board in place on the floor when he arrived, and the image of the kiss that Aly had in his mind shattered. Matthew was filthy, for one, sweaty and stripped down to his shirt-sleeves. He looked up when Aly was almost to him, giving him a brilliant smile. Aly’s mouth went dry.

“Oh, hello, Aloysius! Dinner time?”

Aly nodded, staring as Matthew got to his feet and stretched. _Good Lord, preacher, this is downright sinful._

“God damn, preacher,” he muttered. He couldn’t help it. He’d had a _plan,_ something smart and charming he was going to say, but it fled at the sight of Matthew, broad and sweaty and so fucking handsome. He stepped in and pulled Matthew down into a kiss, moaning at the taste of his mouth.

And Matthew moaned _back_. His hands landed on Aly’s hips, deepening the kiss almost automatically as he backed Aly towards the closest wall. Aly went willingly, whimpering as Matthew licked into his mouth, tongues tangling together.

The doors of the church flew open, Clayton stepped through, and Matthew and Aly froze.

“Matty, ‘s dinner time - _fuck_ , sorry.”

Matthew broke the kiss, turning around and running for the now empty doorway. “Shit, Clay, _wait_ -“

And then they were gone. Aly didn’t grin, just slowly sank down to sit on the floor, staring after them, hand going to his lips. He sat there for five minutes, convincing himself that that wasn’t one of the best damn kisses he’d had in years. Finally he forced himself back to his feet, then forced a laugh. He went to dinner, where Miriam and Arabella were waiting for them. Joanie Stubbs was there too, looking as pretty as ever, sitting beside Miriam. 

Matthew and Clayton didn’t show.

“Phase two is a success,” Aly grinned, hoping it was convincing. Arabella smiled and patted his hand, then raised an eyebrow at Miriam. Miriam stared, shook her head, and went into the kitchen, muttering something about whiskey. Joanie gave him a consoling smile, then followed after.

“Well done,” Arabella said, patting his hand again and offering him a cigar. “I’m so glad this whole pining business is over.”

* * *

Aly was pining. Clayton and Matthew had been at dinner the next day, both flushing bright red at Miriam’s wolf-whistle when she caught sight of the hickey high on Clayton’s throat. Aly ducked out of the room before either of them said anything to him, and had avoided family dinners since.

“I’m pining,” Aly said miserably to Arabella when she cornered him and dragged him to the Bella Union for drinks four days later. She smiled and poured him a shot.

“I know, Mister Fogg. You’ve been pining for six months.”

He stared at her. “What?”

She folded her arms and sat back, arching an eyebrow. “I may be ace and aro, but I know what it looks like when someone’s smitten, Aly. You’ve been pining for them while they pine for each other.”

Aly groaned and buried his head in his hands. “Why didn’t you _say_ anything.”

Arabella laughed. “Would you have believed me?”

He groaned again. “Can you pretend to be Miriam and tell me everything will work out?”

“Miriam would cuss you out for pining,” Arabella reminded him.

“I know she would.” Aly sighed and slumped back in his seat, groping for the bottle of whiskey and pouring himself a shot. “Fuck, this is awful.”

“Don’t worry,” Arabella said, smiling secretively. “I don’t think you’ll be pining for long. Everything will work out just fine, you wait and see.”

“Did you foresee my death?” Aly asked miserably. “That’s the only way the pining ends. You are legally obligated to tell me if you did. It’s the Rules of Friendship.”

Arabella scoffed. “Don’t be dramatic.”

* * *

He spent another week ducking out of Miriam’s house as soon as Clayton and Matthew showed up, making excuses and drinking whiskey with Arabella and _pining_. Miriam looked crosser every time she saw him, glaring daggers at Arabella and sighing to Joanie, who was there with increasing regularity. Aly wasn’t sure why, but he didn’t mind the new addition to their new little family. And besides, he was too busy moping to really think about it too much.

It all came to a head one evening. Miriam wasn’t even subtle about trying to force them together, which made his inability to avoid her plan all the more frustrating. He’d shown up for dinner under threat of death or dismemberment, and made it through five minutes of Clayton and Matthew smiling at each other before he ducked into the kitchen, bee-lining it for the back door.

“Oh _no_ you don’t –“ Miriam caught his arm and dragged him to the pantry, shoving him in. He stumbled and turned around, just in time for her to slam the door in his face.

He banged on the door. “Miriam, what the _hell_ –“

“Boys!” he heard her call, voice muffled by the door. “Can you come help me in the pantry? I need a – a bug killed!”

Feet shuffled, then he heard Clayton’s bewildered voice. “A bug? Miriam, are you fucking serious, I’ve seen you cut off a man’s head, why can’t you kill –“

The door swung open, then Clayton was shoved into the pantry, stumbling and almost falling on Aly. Aly caught him, and the door slammed shut again.

“What the _fuck_ -“

“Reverend!” Miriam hollered again. “Get your ass in here!”

Aly gently pushed Clayton off him, backing up against the shelves and staring at Clayton, dread growing in his gut. Twenty seconds later Matthew was shoved through the door in the same fashion, cussing and stumbling into Clayton.

Miriam slammed the door, then the sound of a lock clicked shut. “You’ve been pining _long enough_!” she yelled. “It didn’t work for Matthew and Clay, but maybe it’ll work for the three of you, you goddamn idiots! Talk, kiss, I don’t give a shit, but don’t you _dare_ fuck in my closet!”

“This was Miriam’s idea!” Arabella yelled from the other side of the door. “But she has my full support!”

* * *

Aly stared at Clayton and Matthew. Clayton and Matthew stared back. It was dark, but the glimmer of light from the doorway let in just enough light to see their faces. They were close, a scant six inches between them and him, three grown-ass men crowded together in the tiny pantry. Aly forced a grin onto his face.

"Either of you think we can break the door?" Neither of them responded, and Aly looked away, shoving his hands in his pockets. "We gotta do this, huh."

"What did she mean?" Matthew asked. "About the pining?"

Aly shrugged. His palms were sweaty, and he was sure he was blushing. "Who knows."

Clayton shook his head and stepped forward. "We ain't stupid, Aly. You been avoiding us for a goddamn week. What did she mean?"

He was so close that Aly could feel his body heat. Clayton touched his hand, and Aly looked at him, at the silhouette of his stupid gorgeous face. Aly smiled weakly.

"It's nothing. She's got it in her head that I've got a crush." He laughed self-deprecatingly. "It's stupid, there ain't nothing there."

Matthew cocked his head to the side. "Well, that's a damn shame," he drawled. "Because it seems we've got a crush too, and it'd be mighty nice if it was reciprocated."

Aly laughed. "Pretty sure you two figured out your damn crushes last week," he said, shaking his head.

Clayton huffed. "No, Aly -" then he was there, one hand curling around Aly's neck, tugging him down into a kiss. When he parted they were both breathless, lips tingling and Aly's hands clutching Clayton's hips for purchase. "You goddamn idiot. We've got a crush on _you_."

Matthew leaned over Clayton and kissed him next, soft and sure. Aly's eyes fluttered closed, Matthew's big hand cupping his cheek and keeping him in place. It was wonderful, just as beautiful as he’d first planned the kiss at the church to be.

"We can't stop thinking about you," Matthew murmured when he finally pulled back. His thumb stroked Aly’s cheek softly. "And your damn kisses. It didn't feel right without you."

"Oh," Aly said dumbly, brain stalled on the fact that they were both here, and they'd both just kissed him. Again. And it was so _good_. "Oh. Yes. Yes, that's - alright."

Clayton cocked his head to the side and frowned. "You sure? You don't... don't sound too sure."

Aly looked down at him, at the laugh lines and pink lips he could barely see in the dim light. Then he looked at Matthew, at the fond look in his beautiful grey eyes. "Yes," he said. "I ain't ever been so sure of anything in my whole damn life."

Clayton laughed and surged up to kiss him again, noses bumping together as he grinned against Aly's mouth. "Good," he whispered. "Fucking wonderful."

* * *

They do fuck in Miriam's pantry. Aly bought her two bottles of the good whiskey in apology, and they got banned from family dinner for a week. They didn't mind. When Miriam finally let them back in her house, they found her kissing Joanie in the kitchen later that evening, and everything made sense. Arabella, as always, looked unbearably smug about the whole thing.

"Did you plan all this?" Aly asked a week later, as he and Arabella sat drinking their customary whiskey at the Bella Union. Arabella grinned.

"The only one who's had to listen to all your godawful pining longer than Miriam is me," she said. "And I had to listen to hers, too. But a lady never tells her secrets, Aloysius, you know that."

He laughed, and poured her a shot, and that was that.

(And they all lived happily ever after, or some such shit.)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed this silly little fic! Comments and kudos are always appreciated <3


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